


broken homes and ruined dreams

by RK96000



Series: our household of lies [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Child Neglect, Hinata Shouyou-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:27:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27572278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RK96000/pseuds/RK96000
Summary: Before things get better, they must get worse- before you are loved and before you are remembered, you must first be forgotten.prequel for "to greater things beyond the unknown"
Series: our household of lies [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2022320
Comments: 26
Kudos: 55





	1. the morning mist, the dawning fog

“I’m home,” Shouyou calls out as he steps inside his house. 

There isn’t a response but there never has been, not for as long as he can remember, so he smiles despite the ache in his chest and tells himself it’s funny instead.

As he shoves off his shoes, he carefully keeps his eyes averted until the very last second he has to look.

Three pairs of shoes sit right beside his, painfully unmatched. 

The difference between them almost makes him laugh- his shoes are dull and worn-down from years and years with tiny holes and large dirt stains, but his mother and father and sister’s all shine with unnatural polish. 

(He has a pair of volleyball shoes hidden in the corner of his closet, untouched and brand new and _his_. It took years of distant relatives’ spare cash and doing favors for his friends but now, his dream can finally begin.)

Shouyou’s stomach growls, an uncomfortable ache right alongside the headache beginning to form- it’s been all day since he’s ate but as the sun finally sets on a day well spent practicing for volleyball, he thinks he’s fully prepared to eat dinner with his family!

There’s a clattering sound around the corner.

The _clang_ and _clash_ of dishes as they’re passed hand to hand- a sound he recognizes, that he knows _well_ from years and years of experience.

(Shouyou has a path laid out for his entire life and at the end, there is his parents’ love like the final reward he’s earned before everything can end with a shuttering GAME OVER screen.)

Shouyou steps forward- once, and then twice.

And then, he blinks. 

(And then, he falls apart.)

Before him, a family of three sits at a dining table, (but it isn’t a family of _three_ ), blissfully laughing over anything and everything and (isn’t it supposed to be four?).

Shouyou stops.

(His mother glances up for the briefest of moments, her gaze burning a hole in Shouyou’s chest, _see me_ , he thinks, broken and ruined, _for once in my life, even just this once-_ and then, _please_ , before her gaze fades away and slips onto his younger sister- and somehow, that burns even more.)

He stumbles back. To his room then, where none of his family lurked inside, where for, at least one moment, he was safe.

Then, once the door is locked behind him, Shouyou sinks against the doorframe before he finally lets out a quiet laugh- a little sad, a little broken (and a little ruined). 

No one waited.

They forgot about him.

He had slipped from their minds as if he was nothing more than the morning mist, as if he was nothing more than the dawning fog vanishing underneath the sun as it began to rise. 

As if he was nothing more than the passing weather, not loved and not hated but simply tolerated- (as if he was worthless).

If only he was more talented or skilled or smart or _anything_ (as long as it wasn’t him) obsessed with a sport he knew he’d get nowhere with- and if he only thinks about _volleyball_ , _volleyball_ , _volleyball_ , there’s no space left to think about the painful ache in his chest when his parents prove every suspicion he had about himself.

 _Worthless_ , and it echoes in Shouyou’s mind, a thousand times over, until the word itself loses meaning, becoming a synonym for his own name- maybe, if he thinks about it a thousand times more, it will fade into the unknown. 

Maybe the worst part of it all is Shouyou can’t even blame them. 

(A part of him thinks he’s worthless too.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus, the first of the three chapters is posted- next chapter will be posted on Wednesday and the final chapter will be Saturday!  
> Thank you for reading!


	2. if only life was a video game

Video games are easier than real life- in real life, parents are distant, their gazes never quite reaching his own, school is hard, and volleyball is even harder.

In video games, everything can be earned.

So, if Shouyou pours hours and hours into video games, it’s not as if it really matters!

His parents never check his room anyways, even when they walk past the dim light glowing from underneath his door at three AM whenever they get up for a bathroom break. 

(Kouji splutters when he finds out Shouyou can play games all night long if he ever wants to- something deep, deep down inside Shouyou wants to tell his friend that his parents don’t even care enough about him to see if he eats dinner, let alone stay up all night.)

Besides, video games are _fun_.

Instant gratification- ironically enough, it’s the complete opposite of volleyball, which he pours his everything into despite the knowledge it will get him nowhere.

Plus, Shouyou can actually make friends in video games!

It took a lot of time to even build up to the thought (aching and lost and wondering if anyone would ever bother to look at him) but once he finally tried, he struck gold!

And so, legendary gamer “Kenma” enters.

Even if Kenma (if that was even his real name…) only gave him high-level gear out of pity or wished he would shut up about the Tiny Giant for ten seconds or thought he was a stupid, lame nuisance, then-

Then that was fine.

Kenma spends time with Shouyou in the hours where no one else dares wake, the haunted hours between three and six am and all the time before and beyond- when Kouji and Izumi are busy sleeping like the normal, good students there are, Kenma is online like a constant reassurance.

(Shouyou isn’t alone- he _can’t_ be, because the moment he’s by himself again, surrounded by static silence and the quiet ache of his heart, he _thinks_ and thinking only ever leads to bad things.)

Kenma is funny, too! And nice. And really, _really_ good at video games.

Kenma never asks why he’s on so late or why his parents don’t care- he doesn’t say a single word when words stay trapped in Shouyou’s throat despite how they usually use voice chat (thoughts, _thoughts_ , too many of them for his own good), and rather, switches entirely over to text chat with him, instead, as if it was completely normal.

Video games are better than real life.

In video games, the hero always wins and the monsters always fall.

There is no uncertainty, no laying awake at night, staring at the ceiling as Shouyou wonders where it all went wrong (and wonders what _he_ did wrong), only constant plot twists and character developments and entire, fantastical worlds all for him to explore, too distracted to even consider thinking.

If only life was a video game, it would be so much easier-

In video games, Shouyou can earn his parents’ love once and for all, even if they aren’t the same people before him each day- even if they have different faces and personalities and aren’t actually real, well. 

Well, maybe that’s the best Shouyou will ever get, considering how his actual parents are distant figures more defined by their absence than their presence- considering how his own parents don’t even seem to love him.

(Maybe, that’s all that he deserves.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kenma!!!!!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	3. three tickets, so fragile and papery thin

“I don’t know,” isn’t the first thing Shouyou says when his friends, Izumi and Kouji, suggest going to a nearby high school game- first, it’s, “Yeah!” and _then_ , the stilted and halted aching of his heart reminds him that _oh_ , right.

It’s then that he says, “I don’t know,” and it’s then that he confesses his uncertainty. “I don’t think it would be a good idea.”

(Maybe the worst part is that Shouyou _does_ know- he should say no.)

The smile on Izumi’s face buffers for a moment, frozen in place, before it finally falls. Despite how Kouji starts to say something, Izumi shakes his head just once and Kouji falls silent- there’s something hesitant about the way Izumi looks at him, as though he was finally seeing him for the first time.

“Shou-chan,” Izumi starts, and Shouyou fiddles with his hoodie sleeves, staring down and down, “is there any reason why?”

(It feels like he’s burning alive.)

“No,” Shouyou lies, and the way it comes so easily leaves his stomach in twisted knots- he’s gotten too used to lying about his parents, about saying _they’re just busy, Izumin_ and _ah, my bad, Kouji, my parents prefer I don’t have friends over_ instead of _sometimes, it feels like my parents don’t even know that I exist_. 

“Huh,” Kouji says, with all the grace of someone who had clearly not even considered the possibility of their friend rejecting an invite to a game of their absolute favorite sport. “I think it’s too late for that.”

Izumi’s head snaps towards Kouji with a suspicious stare that only grows more and more suspicious as each second passes- when Kouji sends a pleading gaze his way, Shouyou takes pity on his poor friend.

“You already bought the tickets.”

Kouji says nothing- but that’s more than enough for Izumi, who turns away and then screams quietly into his palm for a few moments before turning back with a forced smile. 

“Kouji- _chan_ , we said we would _wait_ -”

To his credit, Kouji only laughs and gives them both an apologetic smile. “Oops? I just didn’t want them to sell out- they’re this absolute _powerhouse_ school, apparently!”

That, at the very least, gets Shouyou’s interest.

Even if he shouldn’t. “My parents-”

“But, Shou-chan” Izumi blinks, tilting his head with a confused smile, “they love you!”

(Do they?)

“Yeah!” Shouyou agrees after a split-second, his smile a little too forced by the cautious gazes his friends give him. “Of course! But-”

“It’s just one game,” Kouji tells him encouragingly. “You _love_ volleyball!”

Shouyou nods, his head a confusing swirl of thoughts (he wants to go but he shouldn’t but his friends think he should but his parents wouldn’t).

“I do, but-”

“It’ll be fine,” Izumi says, and when Shouyou falls silent, he gives him a reassuring smile as he squeezes his shoulder. “Maybe they’ll get mad but- but they _love_ you, Shou-chan, I promise! Everything will be okay. Just…”

Izumi stops. 

There’s an aching in his eyes, a slump in his shoulders, and a quiet, pleading hope in his voice. “Just do this one thing for yourself?”

And that, more than anything, more than even Shouyou’s own devotion to volleyball, is what finally ends the question for him and finally turns _I don’t know_ back into _Yeah!_

“Okay,” he agrees, and the beaming smiles Izumi and Kouji give him make his heart soar- surely, something that felt so incredible could never turn sour, could never be ruined.

Kouji leans over and tugs him into a huge group hug, and tangled in lanky arms and sharp elbows, Shouyou can’t help but laugh with his friends with a quiet, blooming hope. 

Shouyou still isn’t really sure and he still doesn’t really know- but looking at his friends with such carefree smiles and fondness that he’s never been given before, he thinks he would do anything for them if they only asked.

And he will.

(And he will lose everything.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it ends...  
> Here's a teaser for the sequel:  
> “You have a daughter, right?” a coworker asks, face blurred into an unrecognizable smudge- she thinks she knows who they are, she thinks she might not.  
> “No,” she responds reflexively before a thought strikes, and then, she smiles. “But I do have a son.”
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
